Feeling Loved

Hmmm, I feel refreshed today. Last night was nothing special, some cards, a few beers, one guy who got faked numbered (I hate to turn people down in front of friends, at least this way the embarrassment is private). Anywho, I spent some time with Old Friend afterwards. We just snuggled up and he played with my hair. Keep in mind this is not a sexual relationship and hasn't been for years. Conversation was minimal, as it is alot of the time, but something he said resonated. He told me that part of him wanted me to find the one, a man who would treat me as well as I deserved, and the other part of him hated it when I was with someone else. He said he knew he couldn't give me what I was looking for, but it was hard thinking of me with other people, even though he wanted me happy. He said he struggled quite a bit with that. I feel a bit badly about that. I do love him in some weird way that defies definition, but honestly, I would be tickled to death if he found someone that made him want to settle down. I don't get jealous, or struggle with those feelings. What does that say about everything? I'm not really sure. My eyes always give me away, and I think he saw I was questioning everything. He said "Don't worry baby girl, I've struggled for years with that, so this isn't new, nothing is different. I just wanted you to know that I know what you deserve, and even though it hurts that I can't give it to you, I still want you to have it." Nothing else was really said the rest of the night. It was just nice hearing some old rock, drinking a few, and feeling loved and appreciated. I don't know a single person that doesn't adore that feeling. Maybe that is the biggest thing we give to each other.