Deeper Waters

Yeah, I know I posted a sleepy rambly post already today, but I've been contemplative as well as tired and needed to get a bit off my chest. I feel restless and unsettled. So much has happened this year, it has been one drama after another, and I really am not a fan. I rarely drink like I did last night, but have twice in the last month or so. I think I used it as an escape from all the stress around me. Not a good idea, I know, at least that way.
Lately I've been chewing pretty hard on the idea that maybe I need a big change. Who I am now is not who I was last year. Alot may be the same, but I've gathered some battle scars that have taught me so much about myself, about life in general. I still have much to learn about both, though. I just think this is an opportunity to reinvent things. I had plans well laid that got blown to bits, and lately life has been more about getting through it. I need to step back, reevaluate things and see what works and what doesn't now.
My wants and needs in life are fairly simple. I like money, who doesn't? But I am far from materialistic. Family, relationships, love, security - those are the things that are really important to me. Going through everything I have this year, especially one particular drama that really made me look at life differently, has really made an impact. I feel like I'm just, unsettled, not content. What's missing? Obviously having your love life go from what you thought was settled and secure to starting all over is a change. I'm glad it happened, because I learned a great deal and I'm honestly happier with the way things are now. So that's not so much it, even though I'm sure it plays a role. All my goals have changed, so why am I walking the same path when I no longer need to get to those particular destinations? I think I'm in need of some serious introspection, some soul searching. I know I've slipped spiritually, which is obvious from my posts, even though that's been a huge part of my life and still is. Obviously that needs correcting, but that's not it in and of itself either. I guess it's just the striking realization that so much really has changed, and that my best laid plans are now moot. It's time to look inside and ahead and find some new ones, make a new path, so I can get to the place I'm looking for.