Ahh, the Booty Call

So I was up late chatting with a guy friend about his latest profile pic - we're trying to find him one to increase opposite sex interest, when I get the booty call - well text. Yep, the Playmate wanted to play. Somehow though, a cocky, drunk text didn't turn me on. In fact, the cockiness did the opposite - big time. I haven't even heard from him in days. Call me crazy, but if I'm gonna go the bed buddy route, it would have to be with someone who is always a good friend outside of the bedroom. So I said no thanks, and he actually got pissy! Huge, mega huge turnoff - as a playmate and friend. So I was sweet as sugar about the blow off, but a blow off it was. Man that sucks, now I can't even fantasize about him. He's killed it. Oh well, I already knew I wouldn't see him enough for him to make a good playmate, and that I needed to be a grownup and just say goodbye. So I did.

Better Grab a Snack....Another Novel

Ever had a string of bad days? That's been me the last little bit - much drama, which I hate. First it started with the guy friend who assumed I should sleep with him and actually seemed perturbed that I didn't. All this time I thought we were friends, when he was really just hoping one day he'd get into my pants. That sucks.
Then, the guy friend I super novel blogged about because I couldn't stop worrying about how much pain he was in. Well, since, as I said in the blog, we hadn't been able to sit down or have more than chit chat conversation, I just decided to send him my thoughts. He knew I'd been wanting to talk to him about something, but you still hate to drop something that heavy without introduction. So rather than text (the lack of tone and body language to read makes miscommunication too easy when it goes past chit chat) , I left a voicemail to the effect of "Since we still hadn't had time to have a sit down I just sent all that stuff to you". Not exact words at all, just what I meant. I didn't think a thing of it.
Fast forward to yesterday, sitting there chatting with a mutual friend of mine and said guys, and she says he sent her a text message asking what my problem was and that I had "crawled all over him" for not talking to me as much as I thought he should, and he liked me alot but wasn't ready to get married. I know! WHAT? We're not dating, and I'm not trying, so the married comment was a bit much. And to beat it all, I wasn't even remotely mad or fussing or anything of the sort. So I sat there, highly confused, told her the situation and she, too was highly confused.
She said he's just sensitive and took it the wrong way. Ya think? I knew that sensitive part, which was why I opted to call rather than text to avoid miscommunication. So I sent him a text later and basically took the blame cause who really care about the right or wrong issue, and letting him know I was in no way mad nor had any reason to be, and what the intent of the message was. I then told him I should just leave him alone because that's like the third time he got pissed at something I said because he took it differently than I meant it. The whole reason for talking to him was liking him as a person and trying to cheer him up, be a good friend. Obviously I was failing at that. Then the more I thought about it the more it bugged me. Yeah, sometimes I am confusing. I get that. Men aren't used to a woman giving a crap without wanting something from them, so that doesn't help. Plus, I say what I think and how I see things. Thing is, because of that, no one I know very well has ever asked me "Are you mad at me?" If you have to ask, with me, the answer is no. Its pretty damn obvious if I'm pissed off. What kept bugging me was the married comment. I'm not even trying to date him! I didn't want anything from him, the point was to give here, not receive. It wasn't the misunderstanding, just that comment. So I was ill.
Here comes the really bad part. I man I've known a long time who was friends with my ex died. It was sad, awful and you know me, on my mind alot. Then I read the obit in the paper yesterday and for some reason it just really hit hard. We weren't close, so I didn't get it, but I just got soooo down about it all. Then I had an uber crazy dream that helped me realize what was going on and why it was hitting me so hard. So that's good, and it actually makes me feel better about that. But I spent most of last night crying over this guys death and how it would hurt those around him, the death of a long standing friendship and how that friend made me feel like crap, and then failing miserably on my cheer up mission. Its just been a long, long year and my tolerance is pretty low at this point. I feel better know that I have some understanding of why this death hit me so hard which got me down to start with and the rest just snowballed. I do know one thing, I will be celebrating the end of this year and the new beginning more than I have ever celebrated or appreciated New Years in my life.

Crappy Night in General

Last night just sucked. Period. I went out to a party, planning on having a good time. I got a little drunk and was having fun for a bit. Then this guy I know, and up until now was friends with, really started to piss me off. He kept saying things in front of everybody at the party, and loud enough for the neighbors to hear, that just bugged me. Like, "No, I'm not going to the bar, I'm staying here with my lady." "Nope, she already cussed me out and said I was NOT going to the bar dressed like this. Boys, she'll kill me if I go." "No, staying here with my girl, you guys go ahead, I want to spend some time with her." Alot of this being said as he's swinging an arm around me, etc.
Okay, we are not together, and are not going to be together, period. This is a small town with big mouths, and I just don't like somebody acting like I'm theirs when I'm not. I tried not to embarrass him in front of everybody, so I just told him to go on with them to the bar. Repeatedly. Then as he made more innuendos like we were gonna stay there and have sex, I flat out whispered in his ear that was not getting any, don't know why he was acting that way, so go on to the bar. He said, No baby, I know, I know. I just really want to hang out with you. I've missed you.
Uh huh. So they all leave, he begs me to stay and promises to be good. We've hung out millions of times before with no problem. Despite his promises, he kept on and on and just pissed me off. What, am I only a vagina? Damn. I never gave him any indication there was anything between us and had flat out told him it wasnt gonna happen. He just kept trying to talk me into it, to hell with what I thought. He almost seemed pissed I wouldnt sleep with him. Why the hell would I?He made me feel like a slut. And like he wasnt much of a friend like I thought. I left, pissed off, and came home early, feeling pretty low. I had apologies waiting on my voicemail, three, when I got home. I was drunk enough to send a text telling him what he could do with those and to lose my number.
Oh and at this party, some younger girl kept huffing around and I wondered what her problem was. She seemed mad at her man but I couldn't figure out why. It dawned on me as they left that she thought we were flirting with each other. A friend said that was it, she thought I wanted him. Okay why? We spoke, but not anymore than anyone else. That boy was a baby, way too young for me and there was no flirting on either side. The friend said she was just really jealous. That bugged me too. Cause I don't have a man with me and we had a very little bit of polite conversation, in a GROUP setting I might add, that means Im after him? Give me a break. I guess just the being perceived as a man stealer, well boy stealer in this case, and being treated like a common piece of ass by someone I thought was a real friend just kinda pissed me off in general.

Restless

I have been feeling restless the last couple of days. As I described it to a friend, it's like that feeling when you're hungry, but nothing sounds good. I don't get that way often at all, and I must say I am not a fan. I stayed home last night, avoiding three events and making two friends a little upset I'm afraid. I just didn't feel right. It's hard to explain.
I'm glad I did though, as a friend called after midnight, needing to talk. His heart was broken, which made for a conversation that lasted well past 3 am. I am so tired this morning, but glad I could be there.
What's funny is, I don't even blink at late calls I get them so often. Many of my friends are guilty of drinking and dialing like I am, so I get those alot. I also happen to be the friend that friends call when they need a shoulder. They also know they can call me anytime, day or night, and I'll be there.
But after the phone call ended, sitting there feeling bad for my friend and still restless myself, I realized I could use a shoulder. It's strange how I never mind being that for others, but when I need it myself, it's hard for me to reach out since I'm so used to things being the other way around. Maybe I'll get the hang of that one day soon. Hopefully I'll get rid of this restlessness even sooner.

the Playmate

I was very naughty yesterday. Actually, it was fairly toned down for me, but still. I should feel bad, but I don't. I enjoy it. See, I'm a complicated girl. On the one hand, when it comes to the bedroom I am so very naughty, but outside of that, I'm the "good girl".
Well, one particular man in my life would make a great playmate, which I think is what I'll call him from here on out. We've had sex, and it was hot - very hot, and yesterday we sent a few fun texts back and forth, which inspired a very naughty project.
Now the dilemma. Of course, things couldn't possibly be simple. I'm relationship minded. I like being as naughty as I want without feeling guilty. I'm also just in that place where I'd like to find a good relationship, but I'm not really in a hurry. The Playmate normally would be great relationship material, but a couple of things, including emotional unavailability, are big emotional turnoffs. I like him alot as a friend, and I almost wish he was in a place to be starting a relationship to simplify things. As it stands, though, I can't see him as relationship material, which is fine by him since he doesn't want one either, so nobody's getting hurt here.
The thing is, I like having sex with him. I'd like to keep having sex with him. But then there's that thing about me that won't even let me date a man (not even without sex) if I'm sleeping with another. I just can't do it. So going the bed buddy route with the Playmate would be fun, but would totally keep me off the market dating wise. Yeah, I know, most of my friends would see no problem with dating other men too as long as you aren't sleeping with them... I just can't. And while I'm not in a hurry relationship wise, I would like to find one eventually and don't want to miss out on something.
So I could just do the bed buddy thing with the Playmate until I meet somebody I'm interested in. Lord knows of the men I've met lately, they've all great on paper with no spark, and ya gotta have a spark. The thing is, I truly adore sex. So if I'm gonna go the bed buddy route, which is not really usually my thing, then I at least want one who is more available to play on a regular basis. I've only seen this guy twice in a couple of months, not exactly bed buddy frequency for this girl.
I wouldn't have any trouble finding one closer to home and more available (not bragging - you girls know how it is) but I am not/was not looking for that, it's just the only solution I see to this
Playmate situation. He'd be fine with that, I'm sure. Like I said, he's not looking for a relationship from this, and even though he says he's not just interested in sex... he is. Men have a way of making that obvious, don't they girls?
The thing is, I really do like him as a person, as a friend. So up until yesterday, I had resisted any urges to be naughty with him and tried to behave. There's just something about him that brings out the naughty side in a big way. He's so tempting.
Oh dear, what's a girl to do? I think I may just have to be a grownup and say goodbye to the Playmate. He's not very interested in actually building a friendship, you can tell that pretty easily. And since neither of us are looking for a relationship from this, and my reasons for not wanting one with him probably aren't gonna change anytime soon, and I can only guess what his are, it just leaves sex. As much as I would love playtime with him on a regular basis, he just doesn't seem that available. Which leaves me with not much. A bed buddy too busy to play just isn't much fun. Man that sucks.

Be warned, it's a long one

Okay dear readers, it's spill my guts time again. So there's this man (of course), who I really like as a person. He seems to be going through alot, like alot of different issues are coming to a head. It's been on my mind for, wow, almost a couple of months I guess, so I need to get it all out.
He has alot of people in his life he knows much better than me, who I'm sure would be happy to be there for him. He just strikes me as someone who has a hard time letting people in. What is to follow is mostly assumptions, so I could be off, but here they go.

I would bet that even in his long term relationships, he always held back a piece of himself. Then he was insecure because deep down he knew he was withholding, and so thought "If you don't really know me, you can't really love me, or all of me." Women, we know how we sense a man is holding back, and I bet two of those ladies in particular really felt it. He came close it seems with both, but they were probably insecure too, and they ended up hurting him because of it. They were wrong, without question, for the things they did to him, I just sense that was where some of it came from.

Coming so close and getting hurt just reinforced his need to hold back and protect himself. What's sad is, I feel like he is dying for someone to love him and respect him for who he is completely, deep down. Someone that knows it all and loves him anyway, with no strings attached. Someone who can see him vulnerable, without seeing him as weak. The thing is, he won't find that until he takes a risk and learns to really open up. He's big and tough and strong and just seems to be someone who commands respect, and deserves it. He also seems to wear a mask of confidence that hides the little boy inside that is insecure and craving unconditional love. He's been wearing it so long I think he's afraid to take it off, even for those he's known all his life - especially those people. I think he feels like in some way he'd be letting them down somehow. He wouldn't be, of course, but he's hard on himself. Things that we all want and need I think he sees in himself as weakness. I don't think he sees it that way in anybody but himself.

He also seems extremely competitive. I can see where that comes from. When he was younger, it seems like parental affection from his father was tied to success and accomplishments, strength and power. I think his Mom was struggling as a single Mom, and though I'm sure he felt loved, he could've used more nurturing. It still seems like he needs to be nurtured/comforted, but because of childhood things, it's one of those things he seems to see as a weakness instead of just a basic human need. It also has to be genuine, not contrived, because he needs it to be authentic and coming from some place real, and know that it is. He needs to know it's given without false pretenses, or because someone wants something from.

So he holds himself back, and looks at relationships like a game of strategy. Not out of coldness or meanness, but because he doesn't want to be hurt again. It's sad because I think he may keep himself from finding the things he needs so badly. I can't blame him for his trust issues, or for the possessive "mine" streak I'd bet my life is there even though he probably tries his best not to let it show.

He's looking for a place where he can be vulnerable, but still looked up to and respected, where he's allowed to have weaker moments and still be seen as for the strong man that he is. He needs a woman he can trust completely, and will give him the unconditional love and support he needs without him having to ask for it - I think it would be very hard for him to do that for a long time. This woman would probably need to tread very carefully with trust issues, and be sensitive to the fact that he's been hurt badly by people very very close to him. She'd have to be 100% loyal, and give him and everyone around him no reason to think otherwise. I can see where a woman would bristle at that, but I don't think it comes from a Me Tarzan, You Jane place. I think it's more about being sensitive to what he's been through and understanding that wounds that deep take a while to heal.

He subconsciously ties success, money, superficial things to his worth as a person, even though he knows logically they are separate issues and wants to be loved despite of those things, and even bristles at superficial compliments. Even so, part of him is, I think without realizing it, still trying to please Dad that way, and himself.

He seems to be just worn out with it all and carries this deep sadness like a weight. I'm sure there's much more to the story than what little it felt like I picked up on. I don't know why I got all these "impressions" and like I said I could be so far off. I could just, I don't know, literally feel his pain. I'm awfully tender hearted and compassionate, but this raised the notch on empathy. And I have not been able to get all this off my mind. I really and truly hate to see him so sad. I really would like for him to find what he's looking for, and I'm afraid he will keep his wall up and keep out the things he needs. He's at a point where he seems to need all that now more than ever, and I think he's afraid he'll never find it.

Don't ask me why it bothers me so bad, and no, I'm not hoping he'll let that wall down specifically for me. It's just hard on me to see people hurting, and with him, well you just want to make it all okay, I guess. I've been dying to talk to him about it since we first met, but I just havent been able to have a face to face or even real conversation to do it. I guess I just want him to be able to get that weight off of his shoulders, give himself some credit for the man he is, and open himself up so when the right person does come along that he doesn't push her away. He kinda screams "emotionally unavailable" which is a real relationship turnoff. Its sad, because it seems like thats what he's craving.

Of course there's always a possiblity that I am 100% off. Its just sad. You just want to say something in hopes that you'll help, in hopes that he may work his way out of that sadness. At least give him a place to get it all out. Something. It's just bothered me to no end feeling such a deep sadness from him. I kinda hope I am wrong. If Im not, that means he's in as much pain as I think he is, and well, thats just sad.

Ugh

Those three letters neatly describe what things have been like lately. I could've easily gone with "blah" but hey, a girl has to go with her gut. I have one friend whose sister and I used to be really close, until the sister got into a crowd I didn't care to run with. Now she's in alot of trouble, and I do mean alot. So I'm worried for her and her family. Another friend is going through a custody battle with her husbands nutty ex. She's staying so stressed out she's getting sick every time you turn around. Yet another has issues of her own making her miserable.
I, of course, being me, take on everyone's pain as my own, and thus have been rather down the last few days. Friday night was great, good music, lots of fun. Saturday, well, it all started getting to me and I had no desire whatsoever to be out in public. Sunday was family day, but I was hardly my chipper self.
I need to learn not to care so much for my own sake, but I don't think I can. That's so much a part of who I am and Im not entirely sure I would change it if I could. It does make for some long, sad days sometimes though. Also for a boring blog. Sorry about that.

Drunken Communications

So I had a few drinks last night. Shoot me. Being bar nervous and all, I still needed to blow off a little steam. Enter another of my bad habits - drinking and dialing, and it's just as dangerous cousin, drinking and typing. Yup, I am that friend who will call you out of the blue, with a buzz, to tell you I love you, or just talk about the song on the radio - I need no valid reason at these times.
First thing this morning, then, I browse on and offline sent boxes. I must say I did pretty well. Nothing too damaging or embarrassing. One friend got a "f--- me i drunk" message, which would have only made her laugh. Another got a valid message "u r drunk or you've been phished." Clear thinking on my part, because he had, indeed been phished. No problem there.
I made a few calls, but I didn't think any of those were too bad, so I was actually okay with the fact that I forgot to hide my phone from myself or tape it up altogether. That was until... love that word huh, until I got a semi-serious message on my voicemail this morning.
Apparently at some point last night I decided to try a new angle on Old Friends habit of calling drunk to say he loves me. I called him drunk, and left the message "I don't love you. Not even a little bit, not even at all." Of course, he missed the Green and Eggs and Ham type rhyme I was saying because I must've started speaking before his voicemail started recording. Hence, he did not get the fact that I was playing. Inebriated, yes, that fact was obvious, but it was painfully obvious he was afraid I was upset with him. Way to go me.
All is well, a laugh was had at the explanation, and I am glad I didn't call Mr. Perfect to laugh about the naked dream, so it could've been worse. Still, I wish there was a way to hide all forms of communication from myself just in case.

Anonymity

Yes, it's a beautiful thing on a blog, as many of us well know. There is one other in life I truly enjoy it, and that is in the act of good deeds. A friend and I were discussing something I was planning to do for a mutual friend and she said "Why keep it a secret? They should know you did it." I guess because it's not about me, it's about them. I don't want to do it for the gratitude, or so they'll think I'm a sweetheart. I just want to do it for them. Doing it anonymously takes me out of the equation completely and leaves the focus where it belongs, on the receiver. Why tell the friend then? I needed the address.
I remember years ago, I was struggling financially, and someone sent me a card full of cash with no named signed. It wasn't any handwriting I recognized, and I would have known the handwriting of the usual suspects. I don't know if they had someone else write the address or what, but I was touched that they took the trouble to think of me. I would have loved to say thank you, but in all honesty, I have a hard time taking help from others. I much more prefer to be the giver. Whoever did it probably knew that about me. Anyway, while I had done good deeds on the sly before that, it really reinvigorated my efforts.
The point of tonight's rambling? If you haven't done it, or just haven't in a while, try reaching out to someone in need and remaining anonymous. It doesn't have to be money, or a huge gift. You never know how much a nice gesture or kind words may mean to someone else. And what better time than the holidays to try to touch someone's heart?

More Late Ramblings

Wow. I have that can't sleep feeling. This is probably one of those post you will read, nod your head, and say to yourself "Yup, she's a nut." Remember how I couldn't get those boys that wrecked out of mind, even though I didn't know them at all? Okay, that's just me and how I am, and sometimes I meet someone and I'm drawn to them not just for normal reasons. Every once in a while I meet someone and get pretty deep impressions from them quickly. I see the hurt and I want to help and I hate to see them hurting. I've got pretty good intuition anyway, my problem is usually listening to it. Anyway, I've always liked my Granny's explanation. She said people are put into your lives, be they friends, lovers, whatever, for a reason. So in turn, we are put into other peoples lives for a reason. That pull towards someone is letting us know that particular connection has meaning, and that you crossed paths for a reason, and that one of you is there to give/receive something the other has to offer or needs.
I hope that explains this. I talked to a friend today I've thought about alot. Through the few conversations we've had I have gotten alot of deeper impressions, and picked up on things maybe most wouldn't. Or maybe I'm just completely nuts and way off base. We will hope for the former. Anyway, there is alot of pain there. Alot of hurt, and it's balled up and hidden under a mask of confidence. I hate to use the word impressions again I just can't think of another that comes close to describing this... but I just seem to "get" alot and see alot deeper. It's like I can see a light there that is special, but being hidden. I can't shake the worry, the wanting to help. I really truly hate to see people hurting, and I just want to make it all better. I've had that feeling since we first met, and some of my immediate impressions were correct according to my friend, as were some things I just assumed that were confirmed later. So I know there's something to this. I have tried just shaking it off since it's in no way my place, and in no way are we close enough for it to concern me. Yet it does. It's bugged me that it does, and I don't understand it. The more I ignore it the more it eats at me. So I'm gonna go with it rather than let it drive me crazy or wonder why on earth it matters to me when clearly it does. I may lose a friend over it, and I hope not. But if Granny is right and those tuggings in your mind are guidance, then trying to reach out must be what I'm supposed to do. I hate to lose a new friend over it, but maybe something will come of it and make it all worth it and maybe in some weird way I can help. Yes, I fully realize I am beyond tired and rambling and must sound as if I'm talking in code. It's just the conversation we had earlier just jump started that feeling that I need to come in there somehow. It will keep eating at me till I get it done. I just had this urge not long after we met to just I don't know, fix it, ease the pain, something. Its so hard to explain. It's a sit down or long conversation type thing, and I don't know when or if it will take place, but the ball isn't in my court now. I've reached out and that's all I can do.

Revert to High School

This is obviously going to be much more shallow than my mini epiphany from the last post, but it is such a fun idea that I had to share. I do wonder though, why is that the commitment to post every day is over, I actually have things I want to post daily? Just my luck I guess.
Anyway, it's a tag meets pay it forward meets AA type game, except for apologizing to people, you thank them - even the ones who haven't been very nice. Not ideal for clients or business contacts to say the least, but a blast for friends and it really does make you look at a negative situation with a positive spin. It also may require an awkward call/text/message of some kind, but that's okay. The rules are only that you get the thank you in there, somehow, some way. You can explain the game or not, but I chose to with just about everyone. It ended up pretty funny with some.
To friends husband: Thank you for making Friend happy, and for infinite patience with drunk females. To another friend: Thank you for always being my designated dialer when we are out together - Friends don't let friends drink and dial. And yes, I even threw in the rude people, which was a bit awkward, but it gave me a good laugh.
You'll get some great responses, trust me, and more than likely will take more than a few walks down memory lane. You'll even have a few sweet thoughtful responses, and maybe deepen a friendship or two while you're having fun with this. So even though it sounds silly, it really is worth it to take a few minutes out of your day and play along.

Light Dawns on Marble Head

Okay, maybe it was beer and disappointment induced, but I had a light bulb moment last night, to borrow a phrase from Oprah. I was thinking about how incredibly rough this year had been. I've had quite a bit of bad luck. One big thing after another, followed by alot of little things that seemed bigger from the rawness left over from the actual life altering events. Some of the bigger and some of the smaller things involved men, but it wasn't actually the men themselves that got me. I'm mostly a, well, that's a shame kind of girl when it comes to disappointment with men. With the ex, things hurt, of course, but not long. To be honest I was so numb by the end that it was almost a relief for it to be over.
Then there was the Mr. Perfect roller coaster which was just odd, but no real hurt feelings there and the feeling guilty about how much I love those uncomplicated times with Old Friend. These two fall into the no big deal category obviously, but they still bugged me. I tend to way over analyze things, and I have a primal need to understand why I do what I do. After all, the biggest relationship we have is with ourselves, and I'd let that one go while with the ex.
So as I lay down, slightly buzzed, I wondered what it was that made time with Mr. Perfect and Old Friend so comforting lately and it hit me. I flat out miss the intimacy. I dont miss my ex, as a person, as a friend, in no shape form or fashion. I've known that for a long time. I actually have been enjoying being on my own in many many ways. I guess what got the ball rolling wasn't the sex, even though it was good, or the fun of having a crush and flirting again. It was laying in bed, in between all that sex, having semi to full fledged deep conversations while laying naked and all snuggled up.
It's the same with Old Friend, minus the sex and naked part. There is intimacy there of it's own kind. Laying there, snuggled up, sometimes with no conversation at all. Just knowing you're loved and wanted and in a safe place - it's obviously a deeper level of intimacy even though it's not so much the romantic type. Years of history add to that big time. Also, knowing I am wanted there even though there will be absolutely no sex, just me as a person, not as a lover. That's quite comforting. So all of this hits me and everything makes sense all of the sudden.
Now I know what I'm looking for, what it is I'm missing in my life. Granted, it's not easy to find a connection like that, or a man who is comfortable with intimacy. I could always just fill that need with Old Friend, like he does with me, but that's not what I want in the long run even if it is a good band aid. Eventually, I want that type of intimacy that can include the sex and the naked aspects without taking away from the intimacy itself. I'd also like to find it with someone who will let that intimacy deepen without rushing the other areas of the relationship. I don't know if I'm articulating that well, but I know what it is I'm looking for now. It probably won't make it a bit easier to find, but I'm sure it will make it easier to recognize when I do.

Saturday Morning Rambling

I didn't head out last night. I was in the tub, about to get ready, when I changed my mind and decided down time would be last night. I feel sort of bad, because I have been MIA with those friends for a while. I love 'em all, it just drives me crazy doing the same things with the same people all of the time. Years ago it was the same drill - everyone meet at a restaurant then head to a bar. And to be completely honest, even though it makes me sound like a complete baby, I do not think I will go to a bar again without my friend and her level headed husband, or a really big guy. At least not for a while. That just really creeped me out.
I don't know still about tonight, though I guess I should be figuring it out. I don't know if I'll do the movie, low-key thing or what. I'm going back and forth between low key hanging out and doing something I haven't in a while. Like karaoke - big guy or friend and husband present of course, or go carts and the batting cages. I've actually been wanting to drill a ball for a while now. Of course, it's a two hour drive to the nearest cage. I just need something. Something different.
I had the exact same dream about Mr.Perfect last night, except for one major detail. IT WASN'T HIM. The face was all blurry, like someone who wants to hide their identity on TV. Maybe that's my inner self's way of saying I still want those qualities, just not that guy. (The other ruder qualities just killed it -ugh). Anyway, I thought that was strange but insightful in a way and thought I'd share while I was on here.
Yes, I know, not much interesting stuff. I guess I got in the habit of daily blogging with the NaBloPloMo commitment this month. I'll ease my way back out of it, don't worry.