Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Crawling Out of My Cave

It began with the holiday rush and all of it's preparations. Somehow I just failed to blog while getting ready for it all. Then came the birthday blues (and this wasn't even a milestone birthday), followed by some end of the year reflection and searching for a new direction. I think I may even move to another town and start fresh. Either way, I'm crawling out of the cave I unconsciously crawled into.
Ah, men. They are to be the main topic of this blog and have they ever been interesting through this time. My Old Friend, my safety net and security blanket, have had a major falling out. I have been pretty down in the dumps about that of late. Just knowing he's there but I can't reach out like I used to kind of hangs over things like a shadow. It's like forgetting your cell phone - you may not need it but it still drives you crazy knowing you don't have it with you if you do. How sad will I be when I actually need my Old Friend? I supposed such a strange arrangement couldn't have gone on forever, but letting go has caused a grieving period for someone who was much a part of my life for close to half my life. That's going to take a while.
Otherwise, I've had an unfortunate streak with men. Usually, I have more male friends than female. Lately, they think I'm hitting on them or they're women do when I'm just being my chatty self. Apparently they knew I was safe while with the ex. If you don't know my loyalty when we meet, you learn it quickly. Now that I'm back in the game, well, people seem jumpy to me. Why not just chill?
Another issue. I'm a call it like I see it kinda gal on pretty much everything. Lately, that has caused some people to think I'm bitching at them or mad when I'm really just stating my observations. It's a bit unnerving as the universe has seem a little off tilt as of late. BUT this is a New Year, and the last one was a record breaker for crappy things. So I'm going through the painful metamorphosis of rethinking everything in my life. For years my plans and goals were intertwined with the ex's, which meant my goals, desires, etc. often got left to the side for the greater good. Now that I have this opportunity to bring them back to the forefront, I have to figure out what I want to do with it. Hence the move I'm contemplating.
Sadly, there isn't much to report on the dating scene. I'm getting bites here and there, I just can't seem to get interested or at least intrigued by anyone. To be honest, that's okay with me. It makes for a boring blog at times, I'm sure, but dating is not high on my list of priorities at the moment. On a positive note, of which there have been few in this post, Friday night is going to be a big celebration of a good friends birthday. I have got to dig deep, bury the down in the dumps for the evening, and fake a smile till I feel it. Wish me luck.