Thursday, December 13, 2007

the Playmate

I was very naughty yesterday. Actually, it was fairly toned down for me, but still. I should feel bad, but I don't. I enjoy it. See, I'm a complicated girl. On the one hand, when it comes to the bedroom I am so very naughty, but outside of that, I'm the "good girl".
Well, one particular man in my life would make a great playmate, which I think is what I'll call him from here on out. We've had sex, and it was hot - very hot, and yesterday we sent a few fun texts back and forth, which inspired a very naughty project.
Now the dilemma. Of course, things couldn't possibly be simple. I'm relationship minded. I like being as naughty as I want without feeling guilty. I'm also just in that place where I'd like to find a good relationship, but I'm not really in a hurry. The Playmate normally would be great relationship material, but a couple of things, including emotional unavailability, are big emotional turnoffs. I like him alot as a friend, and I almost wish he was in a place to be starting a relationship to simplify things. As it stands, though, I can't see him as relationship material, which is fine by him since he doesn't want one either, so nobody's getting hurt here.
The thing is, I like having sex with him. I'd like to keep having sex with him. But then there's that thing about me that won't even let me date a man (not even without sex) if I'm sleeping with another. I just can't do it. So going the bed buddy route with the Playmate would be fun, but would totally keep me off the market dating wise. Yeah, I know, most of my friends would see no problem with dating other men too as long as you aren't sleeping with them... I just can't. And while I'm not in a hurry relationship wise, I would like to find one eventually and don't want to miss out on something.
So I could just do the bed buddy thing with the Playmate until I meet somebody I'm interested in. Lord knows of the men I've met lately, they've all great on paper with no spark, and ya gotta have a spark. The thing is, I truly adore sex. So if I'm gonna go the bed buddy route, which is not really usually my thing, then I at least want one who is more available to play on a regular basis. I've only seen this guy twice in a couple of months, not exactly bed buddy frequency for this girl.
I wouldn't have any trouble finding one closer to home and more available (not bragging - you girls know how it is) but I am not/was not looking for that, it's just the only solution I see to this
Playmate situation. He'd be fine with that, I'm sure. Like I said, he's not looking for a relationship from this, and even though he says he's not just interested in sex... he is. Men have a way of making that obvious, don't they girls?
The thing is, I really do like him as a person, as a friend. So up until yesterday, I had resisted any urges to be naughty with him and tried to behave. There's just something about him that brings out the naughty side in a big way. He's so tempting.
Oh dear, what's a girl to do? I think I may just have to be a grownup and say goodbye to the Playmate. He's not very interested in actually building a friendship, you can tell that pretty easily. And since neither of us are looking for a relationship from this, and my reasons for not wanting one with him probably aren't gonna change anytime soon, and I can only guess what his are, it just leaves sex. As much as I would love playtime with him on a regular basis, he just doesn't seem that available. Which leaves me with not much. A bed buddy too busy to play just isn't much fun. Man that sucks.

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