Light Dawns on Marble Head

Okay, maybe it was beer and disappointment induced, but I had a light bulb moment last night, to borrow a phrase from Oprah. I was thinking about how incredibly rough this year had been. I've had quite a bit of bad luck. One big thing after another, followed by alot of little things that seemed bigger from the rawness left over from the actual life altering events. Some of the bigger and some of the smaller things involved men, but it wasn't actually the men themselves that got me. I'm mostly a, well, that's a shame kind of girl when it comes to disappointment with men. With the ex, things hurt, of course, but not long. To be honest I was so numb by the end that it was almost a relief for it to be over.
Then there was the Mr. Perfect roller coaster which was just odd, but no real hurt feelings there and the feeling guilty about how much I love those uncomplicated times with Old Friend. These two fall into the no big deal category obviously, but they still bugged me. I tend to way over analyze things, and I have a primal need to understand why I do what I do. After all, the biggest relationship we have is with ourselves, and I'd let that one go while with the ex.
So as I lay down, slightly buzzed, I wondered what it was that made time with Mr. Perfect and Old Friend so comforting lately and it hit me. I flat out miss the intimacy. I dont miss my ex, as a person, as a friend, in no shape form or fashion. I've known that for a long time. I actually have been enjoying being on my own in many many ways. I guess what got the ball rolling wasn't the sex, even though it was good, or the fun of having a crush and flirting again. It was laying in bed, in between all that sex, having semi to full fledged deep conversations while laying naked and all snuggled up.
It's the same with Old Friend, minus the sex and naked part. There is intimacy there of it's own kind. Laying there, snuggled up, sometimes with no conversation at all. Just knowing you're loved and wanted and in a safe place - it's obviously a deeper level of intimacy even though it's not so much the romantic type. Years of history add to that big time. Also, knowing I am wanted there even though there will be absolutely no sex, just me as a person, not as a lover. That's quite comforting. So all of this hits me and everything makes sense all of the sudden.
Now I know what I'm looking for, what it is I'm missing in my life. Granted, it's not easy to find a connection like that, or a man who is comfortable with intimacy. I could always just fill that need with Old Friend, like he does with me, but that's not what I want in the long run even if it is a good band aid. Eventually, I want that type of intimacy that can include the sex and the naked aspects without taking away from the intimacy itself. I'd also like to find it with someone who will let that intimacy deepen without rushing the other areas of the relationship. I don't know if I'm articulating that well, but I know what it is I'm looking for now. It probably won't make it a bit easier to find, but I'm sure it will make it easier to recognize when I do.